Preparing for & Navigating the Postpartum Period, Part Two

In part one of “Preparing for & Navigating the Postpartum Period,” I gave you some simple strategies that you can easily implement to make sure that you’re being supported and cared for after welcoming a new baby into your life. If you haven’t seen my tips about managing meals and household chores, be sure to check out that post first.

In this section, I want to help you prep for some areas of life that often get overlooked after adding a child to your family.

POSTPARTUM PHYSICAL HEALTH

You’ve spent a good chunk of the past year growing a human being, then you birth that little human and you’re sent on your merry way. While your darling baby may received 6-7 check-ups during the first year of their life, most of you will only have one postpartum well check after giving birth. And that visit won’t be until a month and a half after having your baby. (Of course, the number of appointments vary a bit by provider; out-of-hospital midwifery care generally provides a higher number of visits.) It’s wild to me that people whose bodies have undergone such immense changes and the rigor of childbirth (in both physiological and belly births, there’s healing that needs to happen) don’t receive more supportive care after the baby has been born. Unfortunately, this is the reality of the United States, yet knowing this reality can help you prepare and advocate for yourself.

While I’m far from an expert on the topic, I do know that during pregnancy and birth, pelvic floor muscles have a lot more pressure placed on them and they could use a lot more TLC than most know to give them. If you’re currently pregnant, I highly recommend starting with a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. They can not only help you carry your body in a way that lessens aches and pains (those generally written off as “normal” during pregnancy), but they can also help you prepare for delivery and postpartum healing. If your baby has already been born, it’s never too late to support your pelvic floor by seeing a specialized physical therapist. In our culture, peeing while sneezing or jumping and pain during sex gets labeled as “normal.” Common is not the same as normal. These issues are common, but are not normal and can be improved. Women in Motion Fitness is a great local option and also offers virtual support. You See Logic and the Vagina Whisperer are also two great virtual service providers.

POSTPARTUM MENTAL HEALTH

Your mental health matters. One more time to really let this truth sink in… How you feel emotionally and mentally after child birth or adoption MATTERS. So often parents, mothers in particular, try too hard to suck it up through hard times, thinking that if they just power through, they’re taking care of their family. In reality though, when you nurture your mental health, you nurture your family. An often used example to illustrate this fact is the instructions you receive after boarding an aircraft. In the event of an emergency, you must put an oxygen mask over your face first, before you help your child. If you skip yourself, you may pass out before your child has on their mask and you both lose. It’s the same for your mental health. Nourish yourself so you can nourish your baby.

There are several key areas where you can plan to support your overall mental health. The first is probably the most obvious: with a licensed and trained professional. I’m a huge believer that we all, no matter what stage of life, can benefit from the occasional support of a trained professional. During pregnancy and into the postpartum period that support becomes paramount. Even with the easiest pregnancy, the most empowering birth, and the smoothest of postpartums or adoptions, a huge transition occurs when welcoming a child into your life and it can be beneficial to have a trained professional help you walk through the changes in routine and identity.

If you’re currently waiting on your baby, I encourage you to start exploring therapists and counselors so that you have a person to call if you need to. In the wake of the coronavirus, telehealth has opened up a new avenue for counseling and being able to meet regularly with a mental health provider while caring for a newborn has gotten a lot more accessible.

If you’re already in the postpartum period and you at any point start to feel off or overwhelmed, I encourage you to seek support with a professional. Yes, having a newborn can be challenging from time to time, but you should never feel like you’re constantly struggling or unhappy or sad or angry. If it feels too hard to make that first inquiry yourself, have a trusted loved one do it for you.

Another simple way to safeguard your mental health is to designate an “oh shit” person in your life, outside of your partner (if you’re in a relationship). An “oh shit person” is someone you trust and who you know will support you when it feels like, pardon the expression, shit hits the fan. They are someone who you can call for emotional reinforcement. Maybe going into the grocery store with a baby feels overwhelming, your oh-shit person will go shopping with you without batting an eye. Or maybe you just need adult conversation—your person will be there to listen judgement free. Have a conversation with that loved one and ask if they feel like they can be that person for you. Since it’s often hard for us to ask directly for help, it would be beneficial to tell your person that they may need to “read in-between the lines” from time to time. That if you ask them to go shopping with you, while the invitation may be extended without any additional needs expressed, your oh-shit person can assume that their presence is deeply needed.

Another way to nurture your mental health is to connect with other parents of littles. For me, I found community at my library’s story time and later at a small playgroup. Your community may have similar offerings. If you’re breastfeeding/bodyfeeding or pumping, you may find connection at a lactation circle. During the pandemic, it has been hard to connect with others but that connection need has been no less relevant. Fortunately, there are virtual groups for new parents popping up all over. I really love the ladies leading Mothertree Wellness, who offer a weekly virtual group specific for parents of babies and young children. If you’re in the Charlottesville/Albemarle area, The Women’s Initiative offers a variety of wonderful virtual support groups.

Lastly, schedule in regular time for yourself to nurture yourself outside of your role as a parent and, if applicable, schedule a time to nourish your relationship with your partner. Embrace the part of yourself that exists outside of parenthood. That could be making sure that you have uninterrupted time to exercise or create to art or to take a class you’re excited about. Whatever it is, put it on the calendar. Make that time a priority. The same goes for time with your partner. Schedule regular time to connect with your partner and to be yourselves outside of your parent roles. This time could be as simple as a daily ten minute coffee date where you chat or even a planned monthly date with childcare. Regardless, make that time to connect regular and a priority.

PHOTOGRAPHY: A Tool for Healing

One final strategy I recommend for surviving the postpartum period is to take photographs and to have your photo taken.

My entry into motherhood was far from easy. Simply put, it was full of loneliness and clinical postpartum depression. What has kept me afloat are photos. I’ve spent my years as a mother taking pictures of my children. I started with an old point and shoot camera long before I learned how to use professional equipment. Even those rudimentary photos are deeply important to me. Not only did they allow me to relive joyful moments on harder days, but they continue to bring me a certain level of reassurance today. Because I spent much of my children’s early years in a fog, I feel like I missed a lot of the beautiful, joyful moments with my children. The photographs help me relive those moments and they remind me that love and joy have always persisted. I believe photographs can do the same for you.

My experience and gratitude for photos are what fuel my work as an intimate parenthood photographer. The early years of parenthood can be so hard and overwhelming. As a photographer, I want to give you the gift of images that speak to the raw, messy beauty of parenthood, images that will forever remind you of the joyful moments that exist among the chaos. If you’re ready to give yourself that gift, let’s talk.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This list of strategies is far from exhaustive and I welcome you to share any tips you discovered in the comments below. Always remember that you matter—your physical health matters, your mental health matters, your happiness matters. And when you’re able to prioritize yourself, you’re able to be an even better parent to your baby. You’re incredible. You are loved. You got this.